It's Dilly Dally time - Y Control

Don't be surprise to see me here again. I just can't help it. Or control it.


I'm back from where I began again. Pretty stupid huh? Yeah, I thought so myself. Everyone else disagrees, they say it's just a phase; which in turn makes it sound a lot worse -like a disease of some sort. I was feeling a lot better though, and I must say I have improved a lot since last time. Friends, family, college, even work -surprisingly- have helped me forget little by little, or so I thought. All this time I thought I was beginning to forget, it made me feel good about myself. Made me feel like I'm strong and I can move on, but I haven't forgotten anything at all. I was just being distracted, thats all. Feelings come and go over time. They come and go like the breeze in San Juan and just like the breeze there is no stopping it. There is no control and it frustrates me. It frustrates me and it irritates me. I haven't moved on at all. I'm back from where I started and it ticks me off. I have all these emotions inside of me, all these memories...if only I could just literary grab on to them and just rip them out and place them into a jar...then maybe I'll be able to relax and be at ease. Maybe then I'll be happier and free. But for now, and for ever, all I can do is admit, but not surrender (I can't surrender something that is not wanted) just admit. And I confess that throughout everything else that has happened, and everything that is happening, I must confess that I still love him. I love him and I want him, and I would do anything for him.


Pretty stupid huh? Yeah, I thought so myself.